this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
