I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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