i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
