You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
