is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
