Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
