Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Found your dick twin last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
