Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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