Sry I called you an 8
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
