Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
