So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
