Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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