i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
