You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
