all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
