Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
