Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
