I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
