Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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