I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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