Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
