What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
