just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
