Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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