Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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