Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
