Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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