i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He is an equal opportunity slut.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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