and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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