you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
