sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
