Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
