ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
