i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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