Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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