just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
