K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
