I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
