My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
