If i come over, it means nothing
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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