I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
