I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
