I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
