I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You ruined the universe
Randomize
