I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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