I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
