finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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