Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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