I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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