saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
